You have landed on the webpage of the Order of Balance. We are the mega secret* order of monks that maintain the smooth and blessed running of the I n t e r w e b.
The Order of Balance is the greatest public service that the world has never heard of.
All sacred communiqués since the dawn of man have been made possible only thanks to the intricate and profound rituals of balance that our sacred order have been most honored in being given the right to perform.
And we would never have needed to make your acquaintance if it hadn’t been for some snarky problems we’ve been having lately.
We think you are partly responsible.
And therefore we have decided that we need you to help.
We are inviting you to be initiated into our order.
This is auspicious because no one has been enrolled into our community since the troubles of 1859.
The night of your initiation will be the 29th October 2016. This date marks the 47th anniversary of the creation of the internet, the 1023nd anniversary by the occupation of Syria by the Byzantines as well as National Cat Day.
The alignment of these events means we must perform a powerful ritual with you, our soon-to-be-new Monks.
As such, you are invited to the only opening of the Monks of Balance Headquarters that has ever taken place.
Set upon the Thames in a secret location, the Headquarters is a building where we live, work, and play. The eggs are created and destroyed, our thumbs are trained, our soft wear updated and the penance delivered for those in the Dark Web.
To gain access, you will need to sign up on the Booking page and visit our travel agent at Mozfest on Saturday.
You will receive detailed instructions how to travel to us upon your signing up.
We know you were made for this.
(*if we didn’t want you to find this page, you would have never found it)